silent house

lately i’m detoxing from memories of the people who hurt me. Lord order my steps with this one. there are people who hurt me who I know that have apologized 1,000 times, but it takes 1,000 angels to heal me. there are people in my life who hate me just because I exist, and they make it a competition to hate me and treat me like a “lightskin house slave,” (specific memory speech).

I’m sorry that the people who hurt you, and the people who hurt me hurt each other and then raised us to do the same. I know that there have been significant amounts of relapses lately, but I need you God to please in my life separate the abusers from the good people. there are abusers who have been good people, but there are abusers who want another chance at life regarding their new personalities.

hi, my name is alana. let me reintroduce you to my 4th life. at this point it is a living breathing testimony as to how we are still on this earth breathing. I am praying that we all leave stories of the past at home. unfortunately, no matter what you do to a victim: the victim still remembers. I have been in a period of grieving, mourning, and also fighting. there are battles that everyone else can fight, but I can’t fight for myself when it is that dark for me. I don’t need to appeal to my abusers and shout back to them what happened. that isn’t my energy or my concern, to be honest at this time.

I just can’t stand to see private abuse things online posted about me, discrediting everything. I really don’t like being on the internet as a persona, and only use my computer for work and social media. personal stuff is also my job too, but this is all super traumatizing for me to be hounded by the victim police. I’m not a victim. I don’t need anyone to hold me after I was repeatedly aggravatedly assaulted for my case file for years. I have suffered abuse forensics and people have done aggravated murder to me for years, and I didn’t even care because i’m a Capricorn and am living in the present with Jesus.

I honestly don’t care what you did to me, or what I did to you: we all have kids now, except me: (I’m going to let God handle my calling). I just know that things were wrong. people were in the dead wrong to me, and I was as a response with reactive abuse wrong to them. everyday of my life has been a tell-all expose book for things with trauma related abuse when it gets revealed to the public is disgusting. please do not use my accounts or even my work to advertise services that may be triggering to me. or triggering for me and my case file that is still open to have to handle. I don’t want gifts, or a vacation, I just want my mental health services to be paid for for therapy and to stop seeing a therapist. I call when I need help, and I don’t allow aggravation for government jobs. I am not a fed, I am not the police, and I will call the feds and the police if it is THAT BAD.

at the time that was the environment. “I currently don’t have a boyfriend, how was work today, I don’t want one I want to finish school, I need my biological information,” -and that is it.

when I am getting drugged with GBH, my mind feels like my entire body is being fried. I don’t like when abusers silence me or try to aggravate a case. I heard both sides. I talked to God. and years ago when it happened, I moved on. I think that Jesus is the best way to deal with things, and I don’t relapse. and when I do, I get help. thank you so much. I’m not taking drugs, and I don’t need any care other than to maybe see my immediate family when my bad family isn’t knowing of my location.

my abusers right now are trying to get me to change the facts of such a horrendous act towards me: but I can’t change the facts that happened. this is what a victim of repeated cycle of abuse looks like. and the people who had repeated cycle of abuse: they also went through things that bro I don’t even want to imagine. this is all so hard for me to always have to remember that I was the better person to all of you, and to this day it is not in my character to be as low as you. there are things that are private, and using people’s trauma story to police victims is disgusting. I have had a new life, and have been living it after each and every time you guys aggravate the victims. we don’t forgive you, and will never forgive you for a case so stain of humanity that Jesus would spit at you. Jesus would spit at you. that is why I spit at you as a blessing. because I really should be doing worse. but to bring it up again and again as a form of silencing is hard for me to even relive. I’m reliving the sodom and Gomorrah, but I won’t leave. because if I leave, it continues to a new generation. and if I stay, I can fight to make sure that it never happens with the sodom and gomorrah rape of the angels craze of the 1960s and 2020ss sex addict diseases.

we all want new lives, and I have forgiven but will never forget the various disrespects that you all gave all of our families for how we were hurt, in various forms or another. there are victims who were never touched: there were just creepy. and opportunists. or, they were autistic and or had sensory issues so they didn’t know yet in life. or, it was happening behind closed doors. the problem is when I see a relapse, and it happens again.

I can’t accurately consent to this day, due to the fact that I need the whole forensic case files of my deaths from this case towards me specifically. I am a guardian angel of the whole family, and that is what being a refugee of war is like. I will tell you to fuck yourself if you are trying to soddom and Gomorrah me, but if you are kind I will be more than willing to hear you out. if I know you’re guilty, I will say no. please do not aggravate a victim who has experience with these cases. I don’t help everyone, I only help those who God asks me to help with. I am so sober medically the past 2019, that I can’t recognize people. my job requires me to be attentive, and lately people will break into my house in order to rewrite evidence. we can’t do that. you can’t take away a fact in life.

when I need people to stay away, I need people to stay away for their own safety. I am so used to being lied to, in every way. people lie to me about genetic information, about who they are to me, about friendships, and about everything. and I know. I just have to hear them shit breath every single day as I try to go to my happy place as they torture me. I just ask that the soddomy and gomorrah bs stops, as someone “who is a descendent of” who cares. as a person. as a human. please stop practicing soddomy and gomorrah type stuff. stuff that is so wicked. that we need it to be banned wickeness.

that is not my culture. I want no part. and I am asking that when I am living, in the entire state we have alignment. I cannot have a child come into this work (no, not pregnant: afraid of pre-martial pregnancy) or world with what they decide to do regarding every free will. I ask that you don’t interrupt my healing process, or individual process. I ask that am not hell-hounded. every single dollar that comes to me is monitored. I have a regular life and job. and my work is going to get taken away because the case was reopened because it happened again to me. I knew, I forgave, I didn’t care (yes I did, but I handle things privately). and I wanted to handle things in my own way and accord. I don’t forgive people based off of the devil’s acts from te enemy. I just live life my own way under free will and pray that Jesus takes it all away from my eyes. we are not abusers. we have been abused for being afro-asiatic assyrian for so long. that we don’t even remember our abuse cases correctly. it keeps happening. we are saviors to everybody except ourselves. and that is the definition of someone who is saved by Jesus. because Jesus does all of the heavy lifting.

I have been lied to so many times that I have to remind myself that the sky is blue. when people tell me to kms, I tell myself that “oh, they’re saying they love me!” because I believe in Jesus.

so when an artist tells me, after I did something I probably didn’t do: “slit your wrists,” I still have the scars all over my body. it is a mark and a testimony that although I have been soddomized and gomorrah’d my whole life: I know things that abusers wouldn’t know. and I also know how abusers think, because I have also reactively abused others when they don’t RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES. I am not changing facts. that is the whole point of me saying I feel like a broken record on repeat.

you can’t aggravate a witness is something I tell people as a philosophical notion of: if someone wants to leave (free will) then let them! but forcing things to stay as they are is dangerous. there is times when I want to stay but am forced to leave. I don’t want closure, I want people to accept that alana was never living in the past: I need you to stop it. hurt people hurt people, and that is ok. sometimes when I see my abuser: I trip up sometimes. but does that hurt, yes! but do I tell myself: “they are good people now, and I taught them well.” and that is how I personally get over it. even thought. literally my case is the most disgusting case internationally and it NEVER stops. it only briefly, as the cycle of abuse, stops and then the aggravated soddomy and submission happens alllllll over again.

there are things that I know that I can’t reveal at this time. and I never wanted that to happen. but I don’t feel comfortable being aggravated constantly for just existing. please stop trying to get the answers. a fact, is a fact, and you cannot rewrite history. thank you. Godbless you. goodbye.

thank you for the ones who stood by, who knew that we had to protect me and the whole family regarding the case. I don’t know if they will ever stop, but I am asking that you give us all privacy at this time. I still to this day don’t know the full story, and everytime they aggravate a victim: I lose the case for the real victims. and then they post about our videos online. we don’t talk about it, the abusers guilt trip us for it having happened. they blame us when they feel guilty as victims, too. it’s a cycle of reactive abuse.

anyways, I am forgiving but I don’t like relapses of soddom and gomorrah. that isn’t a stain, of annhilating us for being assyrians that we are comfortable with. no means no. and we just ask that we are not aggressively and stalkerish + clingingly death gripped with. we heard conversations that God showed us about how people felt about us along, and we decided to remove ourselves from bad outside nokkiryeh company. that is why I don’t see all of my abusers all at once.

it is humiliating for the victims to be aggressively stalked. I never wanted a part of aggressive aggravated response, to try to foresniscly drop the case. I don’t respond to that, because I have been at war with the world since I was born due to the state of the world at that time to this day. I am trying to close the case for all of us.

“I don’t have a boyfriend, I am single, I don’t want to date anyone, i’m studying.” -that is me, my raps, my rhymes, my production, my everything. when you go and victim police, and then escort dressing like me: it disgusts me. please don’t do that to an adult victim. it breaks my heart for us and all of the children. it’s weird and disgusting to impersonate a victim who never wanted to be apart of soddomy and gomorrah in the first place. now I see it happening and I don’t like that. I am not your landlord nor do I want to be. your free will regarding yourself is your own, but aggressive stalking is very scary and tied to forensic murder. I yet again have to move due to my stalker. all of my stalkers found me again (abusers) and I was living a very quiet peaceful life. I go through war everyday and can tell when people are trying to sweeten me when I feel bitter. and false sweetness is the sign of the devil. thank you so much for understanding that that is the way you perceive me: not the way that I perceive you. nor treat you like in that manner. there are levels of disrespect, and treating us like soddom and gomorrah house lightskin slaves egyptian is disgusting to us. those are lessons that I also in reactive abuse have had to learn. and I don’t feel that way as somebody who is my specific ancestry and identity.

I ask that people come clean, get clean, and stop with sex addiction. that was my paper. thank you. if you’re still doing it, I have to remind you to stop in the most like: “do you understand?” type way. people have gone on about this for like. 27 years when I have been traveling the world and have had an amazing time on this earth. I have been through war so much that I everyday having this ongoing: nothing has changed, i’ve just gotten smarter at hiding the fact that yes. I was right.

I don’t know when my spark is coming back, but. I don’t want a famous baby or a PR baby. I’m good. I just want to do the right track that I am supposed to do. thank you. please stop trying to aggravate a victim for having been aggravated as a sign of abuse. thank you so much. we know, we heard you, and we’re asking you to stop. thank you. I personally have chosen Jesus as my Lord and savior. I just ask that those relapsing seek Jesus, and that Jesus is our Lord and savior. thank you. (freedom to believe in what you want to believe, but to me God shows up as Jesus).