can’t keep running

you can’t keep on running. you can’t keep on evading, and escaping. YOU DO have ish to lose. you have so much to lose, now. maybe when you were younger, and had absolutely nothing to lose: you could crash out. but now? you can’t run. you can’t escape. you have to see the root of why you want to keep on running, escaping, screaming, crying. at one point or another, you have to ask yourself if you are indeed in a pattern: maybe lifelong pattern of running in order to escape. if you don’t cause these situations, then by all means proceed to run. that being said, if you at the root continue to be the common denominator of why you are in said traumatic situations that leave you screaming as well as crying for an exit: you might want to take accountability for cycles that you allow.

you have something to lose, now. you can’t keep running. you can’t keep escaping. escapism makes it WORSE. running sometimes also makes it worse. you need to stand in the thick of uncomfortable situations, and stand on all ten toes in that situation. as much as you want to flee, crash out, run, etc. you need to show up for yourself, as scary as it is for you. as well as uncomfortable. you’re learning so much when you learn to sit there in the thick of it, and stop running. you no longer become afraid. you learn to deal with the problem, instead of being avoidant. instead of avoiding love due to heartbreak, you finally confront why you run from intimacy or connection. why you feel pain letting good people in. why you continue you allow bad people in your life, even though you see all the flags as well as act like they don’t exist. stand up for yourself, and be bold.

be bold, and stop running. this entire week, i’ve been confronting myself and taking accountability for things I don’t want to exactly re-examine. you don’t need to traumatize yourself with flashbacks, but you need to talk to yourself with how you got to the level of avoidance that you’ve reached. avoiding everything, and being avoidant in attachment: booking it the first moment you feel attached, or otherwise. you need to examine that behavior. does being avoidant come from neglect? did you feel neglected, so you learned avoidant behavioral traits in order to not feel hurt for when you needed someone? why are you avoidant?

I started telling myself that I need to stop running for absolutely everything. my first instinct is to book it. i’m afraid. you need to put fear down, in order to run. I want to run. but I can’t. sometimes you need to run, and most times you should in dangerous situations. my heart and nervous system is so accustomed to booking it. but booking it will have you miss, and avoid connection with good people as well as good environments. there are amazing environments, safe spaces, and people who act as safe spaces who will love you without betraying your trust. you are allowed to love again. you are allowed to feel again. stop running from your feelings as soon as you feel triggered, and or uncomfortable emotions. yes, distract yourself if it’s too much. you need to thug it out. ride it out. be there for yourself, even if people aren’t or weren’t there for you. you need to be there for you, and be the person who wasn’t there for you when you needed them the most. it’s up to you to change the trajectory of your life, and stop living in the same level of behavioral patterns that have been a lifetime now at least. there is still time. don’t abuse the grace period on your life. change, and start to love/trust now. regardless of hurt and pain,

baby steps. baby steps. stop running, baby. allow love and connection, if it’s something that God allows.